xoxo, rosette

It’s 3.30p.m now. I am still at my workplace, waiting for time to pass. Crossroads is open and they are playing Norah Jones’ album songs.

It’s very soothing for a sunny day, after the rain.

I have no idea why, a memory flashed back. It was about the last day of work at Raoul Paragon. There is a certain scenario that I was actually thinking about.

It was:

The lights if the shop was all off. I am carrying a huge bouquet of 16 roses on one hand, the other was my handbag. I was approaching the glass door. Once I stepped out, it’s another chapter of my life. Suddenly, I want to re-confirm that I took everything home. So I put everything down, I went inside the storeroom and switch on the lights. I went all the way to the end, where there was this white table with drawers. I see if I left anything behind. Literally, I did not. And literally, I felt a sense of loss. I strongly believe it was because there were tons of memories left behind and also, it was my very first job that I actually stayed for so long. So many people that I know, so many things that I learnt, so many things that I apply to my life, so many happenings that happened before then, was very short-lived. I was wondering, how can I ever bring it all back?
One of the things that I tried to retrieve was to go back there again. I missed the busy and hectic times, and the slacking and eat-snake moments at the back of the shop where bitching occurs. I was so Rosette that time. So…”me”. However, Shi Ting told me that everything changed. If I ever go back there again, it won’t be the same anymore. It won’t be like before. The company changed every single person in the shop, men’s and ladies’ are working individually. It was indeed sad news for me. If I were to go to any outlets, maybe I can be happier. I am still considering.

End of the situation.

Back to related topic, I think I really left Kamal. It was recently, I really thought about him everyday. I was pondering, am I doing the right thing?

One of the reasons why I left him alone was because I really don’t wish to be too dependent on him. All these are killing be at that time. I know he will always be there for me, but, I don’t think it is a good idea to vend all your anger and frustration onto the poor man. I read his letters to me again and it really refreshes my mind. I feel back in time, I feel I need to use them as a guide to get myself through every difficult situation of mine. I bet he won’t be any happier if he sees me in this kind of situation. And yes, I missed his birthday since he’s a Cancerian. And yes, I think I lost a friend.

I felt great when he complimented me during the meeting at the men’s shop. It’s an achievement.

I have always wanting to contact him back and something stopped me. Maybe it’s not time yet, maybe it’s still wrong for me to contact him again. If I were to meet him again, what will I do? I was also wondering if he’s still in Singapore.

He’s like my father. Closer than my father. I like it when I drink with him because I can drink a lot and there’s somebody who can send me home. Oh ya! I still keep the 60 year-old thing in my wallet.

Sigh, rose.