xoxo, rosette

So long since i've updated my blog. Sorry about that...

Gone thru a lot since the last time I updated my bloggy. Im actually having a diary. Usually start gaming whenever I'm using the computer. Recently, I got sick of my game. Decided to rest and start studying for my O's.

Clint and I...a lot of ups and downs. A lot of decision making. A lot of suffering. Sometimes I just wanna hold on because I know it's working. Nope I'm not lying to myself...definitely not.

My heart...was taken so long ago. Since then...it has nv returned back by my side. I enjoy every moment. Like what my cliques said, there are happy times, there are bad. But I rather have bad times then to let him, alone, seeing things happening making a choice like this.

Some people might not just understand what the hell i'm doing. Telling myself things, yet still doing it in the end. Seriously...I don't know why. Even if somebody run over to me and tell me the truth...there's nth i will do. I know it myself..i know it.

To me, i've learnt that sacrficies are not made alone. It's just ugly. It makes the other half ugly without any notice. And I, knowing that, give my all. Hopefully he will feel happy and blessed everyday. He might think that if he accepts, it can be un-manly. But I just simply want you to feel happy. Like the happiest man ever in this world. That the world only revolves ard you and me. You might not feel that, and I'm trying hard. I'm not complaining anymore. I know it just add on some unwanted factors inside us.

I've a lot to say but afraid to tell. I do admit at times we can't click. But i believe there's a solution to every problem. Have you wondered where is the problem? I know it, and i told you a lot of times, but you weren't listening...

At times I just wanna look in your eyes. At times I just wanna exchange identity with you to know you even better. I've memorised every of your actions, behavoirs, words,expression........And im still thinking hard what else more I shld know.

Being crazy is uncontrollable. I tot i wasn't like that in the past. Foolishly commit myself to a man. But ever since I with you, I can't find anymore reasons not to love you. I just wanna do a lot of things with you. Sporting...cooking...baking...making fun...so many things. But you weren't that interested. I've always wanted to go on to a trip with you. Like to an island, only you and me. Depending on each other's concerns and need, where we really find out how strong our love is. But I know it's not the time yet...yet.

I will always remember every small details you made, for me. We might have countless arguments. You might care of what others think of us. Not me anymore. It's not impt anymore.

Looking back at times, I regretted. Regretted why...I don't give in to you at times in the past. If only I can make you love me even more, things might not end up like both of us are dying. We're having this r/s can kill anyone of us.

I hope my appearance on Sat morning didn't pissed you off. Or even making you regret being back with me agn. Because...i've tried my best to make you stay. I know it's kinda crazy to do that...but something just keep telling me to go on. Im more than confirm...i don't know what will be happening next. I just wanna feel your presence...your love...your everything. And now, I actually missed the times you shouted at me. Cuz I know it wasn't done on purpose, it was just a way that you feel. And i, not realising my mistakes, throwing tantrums like a baby girl.

I just wanna give you love....