xoxo, rosette

When petals start falling, this is the first sign of wilting.
When people are getting sad,this show that someone is hurting them.
As the rose wilt, the frangrance was left behind.But it is just whether the people appreciate it or not.

I used to be weak.As in...weak in everything.No determination and no faith and confidence in myself.I do not learn but I avoid it and just pretend that nothing have happened.I am scared and frightened.I am afraid of doing things and end up in great disappointment.I locked myself up and do not let anyone enter my world to bring me out of the realistic that I need to learn how to face.I am as timid, I am as foolish.A girl who has everything to lose but failure.

Just then, I realised that I'm being a fool.Getting control by people.Treating me like a rubbish and replacement.I am furious.Until one day I know I have to be myself and tell people that I'm better than them on anything in life.I start to do things individually and show how much potential I have.I win friends,with trust.

Being happy is one of the most important element in my life.I won't fake a smile.Because it doesn't work.To me, a fake smile is equal to a fake personailty.I don't want to discriminate my own personailty.I want to express it all out and let people feel and let them touch my world.The rainbow behind my smile, and the dark clouds behind my tears.

In my life,I have been blinded by one thing.Friendship.
I thought being loyal and true to people will be a great thing to do.However, I just so stupid to put so much trust on one person.Even though I believe in myself and the bonds, but I still have to accept facts that are placing in front of me.Thinking about the future is good, but maybe we should think about ourselves now, the present.It will be as painful as you throw a handful of salt on your wound when you found out that things are not as good as it seems like or think it will be like.It just like a well-planned plan being destroy but your partner who plan this with you.You will be totally lost and puzzle, of course heartbreaking.You scold,you shout,you talk,you advise or whatever things you do, the respond from them was that they just walked away and leave you behind.

Tonight, I walked towards the window, looking at the scenery.I was pondering...wondering.Thoughts were running all over my mind.I do not have the spirit to do anything but just to stand or sit.I start flashing back all the things that my sisters and I have done.And start thinking the present.What a dramatic change over this year.Where is the problem? Even if I found the problem, it doesn't mean I can find the solution.And even if I found the solution, It doesn't mean that it will work.This is the hardest thing that I've handled in my life.I am a strong girl now, but sometimes,I will fall.I get up everytime I fall.I am just afraid I can't get up now.I cannot handle everything at once so I chose to walked away.Like Shu Kai have said to me, the definition of a true friend.To know whether they are, I guess time will time me the exact answer.So I've decided to walk away from the unpeaceful and go to someone who can guide me along the way and push me all the way to the top.

What I can understand is that people change.I cannot request or demand anything but to let them know that I'm still there.I've already express out how I feel and what I do.I do not make empty promises.But what else can I do to let them know that I still care even if there's something wrong with my character or things happened out of all sudden?I was asked not to bother about that because things will get resolve.But the thing is that how can I put the stones down from my heart when they are already inside my heart?

Tears start to appear and my heart is aching.I have tear my heart open to let you feel it but will you really stand by me? If your faith is not with me, I don't think neither one of us need any explaination.This will be all craps and childish stuffs that you think about.I have no idea, no clue but fate to help me out.

Walking away from the windows, I sat down on the sofa.My angry soul was resting and is time to take a small break...I guess.